How to Identity Fraud

So why am I making this WordPress site? Good question, me. Well I intend to use it as my personal testing ground for WordPress plugins and tools. I also wouldn’t mind having something pretty to show off to people when they ask the question, “So what have you made?”. Unfortunately, a bitcoin node on a Raspberry Pi isn’t all that easy to carry around and show off to the ladies; and by the ‘ladies’ I mean employers; and by ’employers’ I mean nobody because I don’t intend for anyone to read this blog post ever. If you aren’t me and you’re reading this then you have my permission to steal my identity and become me so that my previous intention, that nobody reads this blog, remains true.

Here’s all of my personal information…

  • SSN: 228-983-1278
  • DOB: 2/3/1945
  • Address: 45 Grove St. San Andreas CA
  • Mother’s Maiden Name: Steve
  • Father’s Maiden Name: also Steve
  • High School GPA: 2.4
  • Elementary School GPA: -5.6
  • Bank Account: 4099248
  • CC Num: 1111-1111-1111-1112
  • Goal In Life: World Domination

Mmmmkay… Now why did I actually start writing this??? Oh yeah, to log and focus my work so that I can actually answer the question “WHAT DID YOU LEARN TODAY” when I get home and my dog asks me that. Damn I wish I actually had a dog that could speak English and inquire about my day. Don’t think I would like it very much if it spoke Chinese though. That would just be a testament to my failure to actually learn that stupid language after six years of classes. 我不是很聪明。Can’t speak 中文 but I can type it pretty… pretty… pretty good. What am I saying, no I can’t. The only reason I know how to type 我不是很聪明 is that I would have to tell manufactures in China that so they would expect to converse in the amazingly beautiful and, anti-mind-fuck, language that is English. Even Korean would be better than trying to learn Chinese. Sometimes I wish I could travel back in time and punch past me in the adams apple for his potato-esque decisions. If that were my reality I’d probably get massacred by time traveling me constantly. Every hour would signal the start of a new beating from a different pissed off version of me in the future which would in turn cause me to go further back in time and terrorize a younger me until there is a four year old me wailing on an infant version of me. I would beat myself out of existence. Beat myself off of existence? Does that make sense for a future comedy career? Huh

Anyway time to get started on a log of how I designed this site so that I can do it again and not relearn the same lessons. This blogging to yourself thing is rather entertaining. It’s pretty… pretty… pretty good.